The Day I Stopped Trying to Change My Husband
There was a time early in our marriage when I quietly wondered if we had made a mistake.
Once the honeymoon phase faded, all I could see were our differences.
The way we thought…
The way we communicated…
The way we approached life…
It felt like we were standing on completely different pages, trying to read the same story.
And if I’m honest, it stirred something unexpected in me — insecurities in a person who had always felt quite secure.
Funny how that happens… isn’t it?
Leaning Into God Instead of My Own Understanding
Instead of letting those thoughts take root, I did the only thing I knew to do at the time.
I leaned into God.
Not with a grand plan…
Just quiet, honest prayers:
“Lord, help me understand…
what am I missing here?”
And in one of those simple, ordinary moments — walking through a Koorong bookstore — something caught my attention.
A book on personality types.
I picked it up without much thought…
But looking back now, I know that moment was anything but random.
The Moment Everything Shifted
What followed wasn’t just a quick read and move on.
It sparked something in me.
I spent the next few years diving deep into:
personality types
love languages
temperaments
team dynamics
Because once I realised we weren’t wrong…
just different…
I wanted to understand it all.
We Weren’t Wrong… We Were Different
When hubby and I explored this together, everything began to fall into place.
All the things that had frustrated me…
weren’t flaws.
They were differences.
He approached life differently to me.
He processed things differently to me.
He responded differently to me.
And suddenly, instead of feeling like opposition…
it started to feel like contrast.
The Hard Truth I Had to Face
I realised something that changed everything:
My trying to change him was never going to work.
Not because he was difficult.
But because I was asking him to become someone he was never created to be.
And if I’m honest…
that wasn’t love.
Choosing Understanding Over Control
Instead of trying to reshape him…
I began to understand him.
Instead of resisting our differences…
I started to appreciate them.
And slowly — very slowly — something began to shift.
The tension eased.
The frustration softened.
The connection deepened.
Not because we became the same…
But because we learnt how to honour each other’s differences.
How This Shaped Our Family
What started as a personal journey didn’t stay there.
Over time, these conversations became part of our everyday family life.
We talked about personality.
We talked about temperaments.
We talked about why people respond differently.
And now, when I look at our family of four, it makes me smile…
I’m the only extrovert.
The other three? Introverts… 😂
Something I didn’t understand early on — but now deeply appreciate.
And Andrew and I?
A classic pairing.
He’s more phlegmatic — calm, steady, thoughtful.
I’m more choleric — driven, decisive, always moving.
What once felt like tension…
has become balance.
What I Know Now
Looking back, I can see this so clearly:
The very differences I once struggled with…
were actually the keys to strengthening our relationship.
Where I am strong, he is steady.
Where I move fast, he brings pause.
Where I push forward, he brings calm.
And together…
we work.
A Gentle Reflection for You
If you’re in a season where someone close to you feels hard to understand…
Maybe it’s not about fixing them.
Maybe it’s about understanding them.
Because sometimes…
the breakthrough doesn’t come when the other person changes.
It comes when we do.
Closing Thought
This is just one part of my journey — one of many lessons that have shaped how I now see relationships, family, and purposeful living.
And this…
is just the beginning of the conversation.
A Gentle Invitation
If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences.
We’re all learning as we go…
and sometimes sharing the journey makes it a little lighter.
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